Posted by ErikaPhoenix on Aug 03, 2023
Figuring This Thing Out
Even though I've been in Wales for a little over a month, it sometimes feels like moving through mud. One step requires dragging yourself through the muck trying to make sure you have everything, only to realize that you have to wait weeks for the next item to even start. Recently, I saw the increase in migration fees to the UK and it floored me. The UK is not kind to anyone who doesn't somehow already have ties here.
I am thinking way too much and doing far too little. I want to finish these games, but I also desperately need to find a way to develop regular income and trying to pin down where I belong after being out of theatre and performance for so long feels like I can never return. It doesn't help that everyone is acting like COVID is over when it is being tracked less and people are on their 3rd, 4th, or 5th infection. If I could get paid to help develop air quality standards for theatres to protect artists, staff, and audiences, I'd apply in an instant.
But I see myself as underqualified at everything and this frantic desperation to fit in somewhere is draining. I am fortunate that there are a few people who still think of me and have reached out for things like graphic design.
At the end of the day, it's exhausting cobbling together income and it is devastating to think of how many people around the globe are dealing with the same. I have hope though, in that there are alternate ways to move forward and build sustaining communities. I think things like employee profit sharing are viable and businesses that honor the role of community development not just through funding but through concrete action.
I don't know what my next move is. I'd like to produce and direct theatre, particularly small groups or solo performers. My heart lies in collaboration and while I'd like to perform again, I don't know if that's where I need to be right now.
Yours ramblingly,
Erika