Posted by bzedan on Apr 11, 2022
I have been very behind in several things, honestly mostly thanks to some good TV and lots of Our Flag Means Death brainrot. I took the plunge and joined the Discord, and have made some new mutuals on Tumblr, which is honestly exciting. All of my best and longest friends (other than Chase) are those I have made online, and in the fall of the Old Internet I sort of lost the thread of how to do that so it's been interesting finding my way back to being social online in a way that is so nostalgically familiar.
I've legitimately never had a fandom that I was active in while the media was a living thing (other than D&D, which is another constant occupation of my mind, tbh), it's fun! I get why people like it!! So I am trying to push away that part of me that feels such guilt for not producing things and focus on enjoying a thing. And as it always is, I am actually doing things:
- I made a pinned post for my Tumblr, which is what one does now, but is also kind of as difficult as any "about me" thing one has to do.
- Overall I've been very active on Tumblr (RIP the feeds of those who follow me), and have been cleaning through and re-organising how I use tags there so there is some sort of consistency.
- I wrote more fanfic for Our Flag Means Death, about a seagull and grief, because I am me.
- The process video for drawing all the FFF collection illustrations is basically edited, I just need to finish it.
- I have the layout for the ebook ready for me to slot stories into but am waffling on layout - do I do order written or by vibe or ???
There are also life-life things, like I am going on walks again, something I tried to do early in lockdown but couldn't get to work for me. We live where there aren't great sidewalk options and, to be honest, it's taken me since then to kind of corral my heart and mind into a state for it. We live in a pretty small (600 sq ft) apartment with no outdoor space and both have workspaces, making it smaller. It's been an interesting couple of years!
I did buy a desk chair to supplement the balance stool I use during the work day and its kind of amazing. I forgot that one can just casually sit at a computer. I have to have a balance chair, and the under-desk-bike during the workday for some specific body and mind reasons, but I don't want to be on when I'm off the clock! And I realised it was keeping me from doing anything on the computer.
Anyway, I'm coming up on a year of using a modified bullet journal for my planner and have a week off work for my birthday next week so hooray for forward movement in the health of body and mind.
It's funny, I think a lot about when Patreon first started and the idea that you shouldn't actually have rewards, etc, that you wouldn't already be producing in the process of your work. That's how they sold it! And pretty swiftly, the overall tone shifted to making work AND making things for subscription support. Which is hard and weird when you mostly write, or have limited time to make things. Not, of course, that y'all are like that. If you had wanted constant content production you would not be supporting me. No point to that, just trying to reassure myself that even if I had a couple months of weekly updates it's okay to not sometimes!
All that to say: I do know I have goals I want to be hitting and am not (media watched/read share, links, D&D notes, endless numbers of essays) and I remain always grateful for your support as I get done what I can.
Crossposted with Patreon