Posted by 水仙 on Oct 10, 2023
content — brief f**d mention /
june 27th, 2014 /
i don't know when love started to feel like lying
i only know i wish i knew how to forget
i remember the last human being whose feelings i hurt
i remember everything
/
june 15th, 2014 /
Loss 2.txt
i kept the tea bags
from the first cups of tea we drank
in those cups that i gave you
the last time i saw you.
i kept
the movie ticket
from that movie we
saw while living states apart,
the stickers from
the time we ate
grilled cheese
that day at
the cheese { not
cheesecake } factory.
I stuck
them together,
back-to-back,
the letters
of our names,
together.
They’re lost, now
lost in a box that somehow
found itself misplaced
somewhere in
an apartment building
in colonizer-called "downtown seattle".
I'll never get them back, now.
I want to say I don't care.
I'm not supposed to care.
The books and my guitar and
and
and
and
and it’s all about
letting go
and it’s all about how
material possessions aren't important, anyway
right?
But I wanted to keep those.
Especially.
For one day.
silly little things like dried-up tea
and stickers and movie stubs.
memories proving that i
have even lived a life.
/
november 2017 /
I'm cleaning out a hard drive
that hasn't been opened
or used
since the first quarter
of 2014.
you know what happened.
i was already "mentally ill" back then,
but not even my own therapist could see
just how deep the wounds were.
that was the last time my life felt
anything close to
"put together"—i had
built my own bedframe,
my own nightstand,
my own kitchen table,
i used to have a whole menagerie
of chairs.
i sold my furniture to a friend & his new romantic partner
2 years later, he told me they had broken up
not long after.
i'm cleaning out an old hard drive
it's been almost four years but of course
i remember which photos were mine
and which photos were yours.
like dividing the spoils after
a failed marriage,
but the truth is
i just seem
to have
a better memory
for these kinds of things
than most people.
/
Subscribe to 🌊水仙 shuixian✨
give me one 5 dollar bill
$5
Per month
— i will share new work when i want to. i do not share new work when i am not doing well. please treat your support as an ongoing commitment to solidarity, to another human being's struggle.
— thank you so much! 💘
buy me an oat milk decaf latte at the local financially struggling co-op café — $9
$9
Per month
buy me an oat milk decaf latte at the local financially struggling co-op café & remember to give the workers a 67% tip — $15
$15
Per month