Posted by 水仙 on Jul 14, 2023
content warning: everything
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* i try not to say "trigger warning" anymore bc i read something about how the word "trigger" can trigger people who have trauma around guns, which is how i finally understood why many people made the shift from using the words "trigger warning" to "content warning", and then, "content notes". /i am being completely serious. see [asterisks 5*****] below.
there is no "perfect" wording in the world. period.
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it's hard when you start questioning your reason for existing when you're 3 years old. when you're thinking about military men raping & murdering women who look like you, war crimes, & the massacres of your people while everybody else is experiencing crushes & birthday parties in 9th grade. when involuntary desires to drown yourself or jump off a bridge stab your brain like sharp hailstones involuntarily when you're silently sitting in meetings as an adult.
"it was the only woman you ever loved
that got burnt by the sun too often when she was young
and the cancer spread
and it ran into her body and her blood
and there's nothing you can do about it now"
— Blood, The Middle East ** , 2009
"cos hollywood might be the death of me
so i'll carry my mind to yosemite
lay it all down in the summer breeze
and i'll pick up my guitar and play The Middle East
cos i don't want fans, i want family
i don't wanna stack bands, i just wanna find peace
in a world that's drained all my energy"
— Yosemite, Vancouver Sleep Clinic, 2019
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— i just found out that one of my favourite quotes, which i considered as a title for this poem, & i considered getting a tattoo of one day, has a heavily misogynistic origin from the male writer. nice /sarcasm.
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** i wanted to point out that the context of the history & power dynamics of white supremacy, white domination, white imperialism, & white settler-colonialism affects the choices of bands of all/mostly whites that choose band names like this. see also: Beirut, etc. i have been thinking about this for years.
*** this doesn't mean that i'm trying to "cancel" anyone. i still enjoy those songs. i'm just pointing something out. *sighs*
***** people are going to take [asterisks 2**] & call me a snowflake *sigh*,
or, these days, a karen. i've noticed that the meaning of the slang term "karen"(god, even the way i'm writing about it rn is too technical/boring-sounding, lol) has become distorted in the weirdest way, so that it is now completely divorced from its original intention, & practically means the opposite thing culturally/societally at this point.
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