Posted by 水仙 on Feb 21, 2023
i'm a little annoyed that i'ven't publishing on the day to the day
FEBRUARY 15, 2013
the week was {the last, or second-to-last— } march 2012, the weather was getting warm in new york city. i always walked around the new york public library {the jason schwartzman building, one of the white male roommates called it, but it was actually the schwarzman building} but never stepped inside. bryant park, instead. i would sit outside with my wireless keyboard, & write, & use my fingers to travel & type.
i would go to tea in soho. funny. my two roommates, my favorite ramen place, my favorite tea shop. all from a girl with whom a meek & meagre superficial friendship lasted about a month & a half. she spelled her name with a "y," as if to make herself different. my favorite bookstores, the day i saw one of my favourite authors in person, even my favorite coffeeshop. i still have a piece of her clothes.
-- & i would walk around brooklyn & we walked to the health clinic after getting coffee & bagels & the air was so bitingly cold, so warm on some days, so cold on others. the only times i've been to the doctor's in the past year has been because of my fears about -----. it's not fair, i think. it's not fair. the weight we women— survivors— carry—
devonshire cream only comes from a certain place in england. "i've had devonshire cream," i said with a surprise. it was the first week, months that i was no longer vegan. i allowed myself to have scones. i always drank french super blue lavender tea at that tea shop. i never drank caffeinated. i never drank "real" teas, only tisane. i would sit there & write & pretend i knew what i was doing with my life. february 29th i wrote a post about taking the leap. march 1st i didn't sleep much, i ate a whole bar of chocolate that the colorado white boy whose room i was subletting for march gave me, he worked at that one chocolate store in williamsburg, the name of which i can't remember, & that chocolate kept me up all night, & i wrote 7,000 words on werewolves, and, and— i met - the next day, his white-blonde hair, & we ate subpar all-vegan dim sum, & ------ that last weekend in california, & i was angry, & i missed her before she even left.
periphery, the periphery. peripheral friendships. i forget why i began.
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