Posted by Mx. Saturnia (they/them) on Apr 16, 2026
Hello reasonable reader,
My name is Saturnia, and with this 1st post, I am breaking my silence that has existed with me for 10000+ days of my life! As a marginalized member of occupied Turtle Island, (colonized as the 'united states'), all my life, i have been exposed to what i call "chaos magic". I will expand on what I mean by "chaos magic" in other pieces i plan to write; for now, a basic definition for the context of this invocation piece is the day to day, hour to hour, exposure to various subliminal processes that invoke self-erasing, self-effacing, hyper-critical hatred towards parts of ourselves that via the social, structural, and cultural systems of empire deem "wrong" to exist. Internalized oppression is (one of the many) results of chaos magic; collectively, it leads to the propagation and normalization of harm, debility and destruction of beings whose existence are defined as wrong (or useless) in the maintaining and continuance of empire domestically and abroad (aka war and g3noc1de).
I am also a victim of chaos magic. All of my life (and especially in the last decade), i have been deathly afraid of letting my words be seen by others on the internet. My fear and paralysis is under-girded by the ways chaos magic was integrated into my life communally with emotionally absent & judgmental caregivers, crushing poverty and hegemonic conditioning into the over-culture (aka 'normal american life') by public schooling institutions, media and nomies i was surrounded with over the course of my existence. However, with all that is going on in 2026, and my increasing proximity to eradication by the state by the day, self-silence is no longer a viable answer to making the most of what remains of my personal autonomy to assert the dignity of my existence and others. The internet is the most accessible way to find my people; i can't find them if i don't cry out to be heard using this powerful tool for connection.
Today, with this post, I am finally deciding to fight back. I am smashing the internalized self-silencing boss inside me imbibed in me without my consent via the chaos magic of empire. It has like one trillion HP (hit points), and that is not going to stymie my commitment to push back against its hold in my life. Every word i type, depletes the boss monster's HP by 100! I don't know if ill be able to defeat it completely in my lifetime, and i can at least stop it from winning over me from this day forward. Like most anime main characters, i am strengthened by the power of community. For every person that decides to subscribe to my comradery page, free or paid, that will double the impact of my attacking power towards this state sponsored demon boss inside me! Right now i have one subscriber as of this posting, so that means my attack power towards this silence boss is doubled! I am only as strong as those who are willing to support and read my words. Consider joining me on my RPG journey to take back my voice!
INVOCATION
O Universe and sacred spirits, I beseech your power for the success and spread of my comradery page "Saturnia's Sensibilities": May I break my silence. May I break the hold that the chaos magic has on my soul through every word i write and every piece of content i post on this page. Indeed, Silence is . a ginormous boss that sits on my head everyday and i need it removed from my life expeditiously. I wish to speak freely with revolutionary intention. Lend me the strength, power and discipline to throw my humble punches at the trillion HP having silence demon empire put inside me. In the name of this wisdom Audre Lorde spoke, i ask, dear universe, help me live out it's truth:
“I was going to die, sooner or later, whether or not I had even spoken myself. My silences had not protected me. Your silences will not protect you.... What are the words you do not yet have? What are the tyrannies you swallow day by day and attempt to make your own, until you will sicken and die of them, still in silence? We have been socialized to respect fear more than our own need for language. We've been taught that silence would save us, but it won't."
Let it echo, O sacred spirits, that I deserve to live, that my voice deserves to be heard, and my exclamation that i deserve to be alive with dignity. May the silence distortions be chipped away at with every word i write. May the boss monster of silence, cease growing any longer in me! May it be punched down & reduced in size in my life from this day forward. May my words reach the eyes, hearts, and minds that need my words to keep persisting, sustaining and maintaining in the world, and also be empowered and emboldened to fight for a better world just like i do. May they be affirmed, validated, and supported in their lives that is just as valid as mine. May it also grant them the power to break their state sponsored silence demons inside them. Universe, decide the number of those who want to follow me on this journey; May the Communal critical attack bonus be given, that for every person who decides to peruse and support my work and follow along on my journey, raise the power and vibration of the hits i throw at my internalized silence demon. As no day is guaranteed, i know not how many days remain for me on this earth as the empire desires my destruction as a Black trans disabled agender person; help me to maximize this time to express myself as best as possible. I experience my days as a dice roll; universe i ask for favor and protection to survive one more day, powered by caring community with as little capitulation to the state as revolutionarily possible from my current position. Give me strength and power to endure & resist the predictable empiric internal recoil that will occur with every piece I publish that will tempt me back into self subjugated silence. Please strengthen my uncomfortability muscles as i share my sensibilities with those who choose to follow along and engage. May this comradery page, O universe, be a sacred space, a sacred digital home for me to find those who want to be community and comradeship with me no matter how hard the empire tries to destroy me and those who are aligned with me. May people find the stamina to find me on Mastodon, my chosen unpopular open source social media home where i feel most comfortable in (because fuck Meta & other big tech companies!). May those who decide to follow my comradery page be encouraged to use privacy focused email platforms like Protonmail, or Tutamail to sign up! Oh universe, I ask for community that is blessed with money (an unfortunate invention that humans need at this time to pay for the right to live and survive) a resource i am too disabled to cultivate for myself via "a regular job". Bring forth the folks who are ready to endeavor in radical resource sharing and redistribution ahead of the eventual abolishing of money as its used in its current capitalist form to help me stay alive with dignity. Help me find the beings that are excited, willing and committed to sustain my existence. I deserve to be here, and I delegate to the community to decide whether or not i sustain and continue my life, as individualism is no longer a pillar i uphold in my life, no matter the risk. Clear the way for my co-conspirators and accomplices to come and sustain my life! DEAR UNIVERSE, SACRED SPIRITS OF SUPPORT, with this space i am working alongside you to curate and share with the word, i invoke that every word i write will ripple out to support those who are necessary to ensure that a better word can come forth. Please make sure my efforts to reach these folks are not in vain. May those with evil intentions be cast away from this space. I ask for protection from any distortions, protections, accusations from others or outside forces that suggest any less than what i am asking for above. May these same protections be given to those who are in alignment with me. Thank you very much for your continued care and partnership with me Universe and sacred spirits; May my silence be broken here forth!
--Saturnia
(4.16.2026)