hi, i'm shuixian (any pronouns) & i'm always in excruciating pain! 👋 (waving hand emoji)
welcome to my page!
things other people of colour have said about me:
"an intensely brilliant human, suffering without the systemic power, social support, wealth, or resources needed to effect the systemic change that they dream of" — qwoc, 2026
"neo/liberals in revolutionary cosplay correctly identify you as a threat to their façade & conspire with their peers to make an overtly hostile environment for you."
"a frankly brilliant socio-cultural-political analyst & writer, whose ability to apply radical frameworks of analysis in granular ways to their immediate conditions should honestly terrify neo/liberal pretenders, & inspire radical newbies. shuixian inspires me, & i aspire to get on shuixian's level." — moc, 2022
"from time i've known you, i remember how much honesty & intention you bring to calling out bullshit & bringing about positive change. i am thankful to know you." — woc, 2021
things white people have said about me:
"scary" — 1993-2026
"sociopath" — 2015
"bad person" — 2015
"you're like the most thoughtful person i've ever met" — 2026
"your last letter hit me in a way i didn’t think was possible.
everything you write is like a thousand bells ringing into my soul."
— 2011
things my past women of colour therapists have said about me:
"you have so much insight"
"you have a lot of insight"
"wow, you have a lot of insight!"
things people of all kinds have said about me, both to my face & behind my back:
"crazy", "sociopath", "intense", "fat", "ugly", "stupid", "dumb", "sick in the head", "bad person", "scary", "too happy", "too depressed", "too loud", "too quiet", "too intense", "too passive", "too sad", "too positive", "too negative", "too optimistic", "too insecure", "too confident", "too anxious", "too hopeful", "too depressing", "too idealistic", "too realistic", "doesn't take things seriously enough", "takes things too seriously", "too trusting", "too distrustful", "jokes around too much", "too serious", "too outgoing", "too shy", "annoying", "exhausting", "weird", "awkward", "cringe", "cares too much", "[your quote here?]"
— countless people, most of whom so-called "anti-capitalist anti-racist organisers", all of whom had more friends / loving family / social capital / money / capital / systemic power / better childhoods than me, 1993(the year i moved to so-called "usa")—present
oh, and one last thing, from another trans queer person of colour:
me: i'm scared other people can read my mind
them: "i bet even if other people could read your mind, they wouldn't be able to understand the complexity & nuance that you bring to conversations & thinking in general...
not in a "you're so smart" saneist ableist way, but because
your care, kindness, & compassion isn't something others can read & emulate, unless they actually believe in that form of radical love"
— tqwoc, 2023
"I grew up working class- but like most Chinese at least warm and fed. I used to think "I'd never steal, stealing is always wrong". Then I visited [Southeast] Asia and saw the street children, some sick and hurt- and all I could think was "If that was my kid damn right I'd steal food and medicine in a heartbeat".
Sure, most of you have the luxury of living someplace you will never have to make this choice- no one's going to knock on your door. So you smugly deride my course of action because to you, in your sheltered, limited world- doxxing really is one of the worse things you can think of, and with that bubble wrap of Western civilization around you- you're right, you'd never be in my position so you would never have to make that choice.
I begged[...] they ignored me. [...] I had no recourse and they knew it, they[...] got what they wanted, [broke their agreement] and waved me away when I told them over and over to please listen to me or anyone else what the risk was.
Sure, I get it. The absolute worst thing you can think of is some White tech-bro having to answer an email from a woman in a developing country that he has been ignoring and deliberately put in danger or have an address visible for 5 seconds on a shoe.
It must be really, really nice to have such a spectacular degree of privilege [that] that is your worse case scenario- I'm not that lucky.
You will never doxx someone, and I'm probably never going to have to steal food.
Because we each won our respective birth lotteries- but I at least know I got lucky.
You think the whole world lives like you."
— Naomi Wu (i, shuixian, added the emphasis, that is the bold, italics, and underline)
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