significance is on my mind today
stargazing isn't exactly a hobby for me, but it's something i do a lot. i find it impossible to resist the compulsion to stare up into the that deep, snow-flecked obsidian any time i find myself under a night sky. there's something so enticing about knowing that that is everything. or at least half of it? unidirectional vision is kind of a burden sometimes, isn't it? but anyway, even if i can't see it all, i know it's all there.
and how much of it actually knows i'm here? how much of the universe cares? why should it? i have - and want - no answers here. it's fun to think about though. the probable truth is that the vast majority, if not the entirety, of the Out There is fully unaware and unconcerned regarding my presence. if there is an aspect of the external universe at large that does take note of me and holds some stake in my affairs, i am thus far incapable of perceiving it. none of this troubles me; i am surrounded by love and care from other earth-bound aspects of the universe at large. friends and family. pets and plants. they are more than enough. and i am enough. i do not need confirmation from a higher power or some extraterrestrial entity or interdimensional force. i do hold the belief that there is Something, but that is all faith without empirical evidence.
a couple of decades of looking up led me to wonder what our companions down below felt on the matter. bugs are so small, but their collective impact on the world's functions are immeasurable. and despite that, they are among the most hated forms of existence within the human zeitgeist. to be so vastly important to those who despise you most would send some hurtling into an existential crisis. others, like myself, might find some spiteful delight in such a position. like the universe without, i highly doubt the denizens of the universe within regard the matter much. our interference holds little sway over their daily affairs. we kill them by the trillions every day. and we do not matter enough to them for them to do anything about it. that's so tragically badass in my opinion.
i find true delight and liberation in knowing how little i mean to so much of what surrounds me.
so imagine the absolute rapture i felt when i was directed right back up to the cosmos after first learning of the faltrancht! a little known, and even more littler seen group of near-formless critters found drifting through and around our solar system; first spotted about 55 years ago by someone who just liked looking at the stars.
from a certain perspective, human efforts to interact with the faltrancht have born little fruit. they prove incredibly elusive. their rarity is surpassed by the inability to hold them in captivity. researchers have managed to get their hands on a live specimen on only two occasions. both of these specimens ceased(!) to exist(!) entirely(!) within the span of a day and 6 hours respectively. and no one has a damned clue why! those observed in the wild have never been seen consuming sustenence, they have no known predators or prey, and evidence suggests that, barring their capture, there is no natural cause for their expiration.
the faltrancht defy all that science has understood about life to date. so much so that the scientific community nearly tore itself to shreds debating wheter or not the faltrancht even were alive. they play no role in shaping the world around them. and maybe that is their role. perhaps they simply are for the sake of being. or maybe - just maybe - there's something much more expansive at play that we just haven't caught on to yet. i'd like to think not, to accept the confirmation that life does not need to have purpose to be worth living, but i can't help thinking about the possibilities.
and of course they had to go and complicate the matter more by reproducing. since their discovery in 1976, no one had ever witnessed what could be considered a juvenile faltrancht. or that was the case until 2 weeks ago. in early january, a team of two nature photographers and one astronaut set out to track a single faltrancht for as long as their supplies would allow. like the enigmatic entities, this expedition was carried out primarily for the sake of doing so. they followed this individual faltrancht for over three months, from just between the Earth's and Mars' orbits to about 600,000 miles outside of Pluto's. and here, in the inky desert of space between stars, these three people became the first to ever see the birth of not one, but three faltrancht! incredible!
of course the scientific community is in yet another uproar over the implications of this event. but my mind remains fixated on one particular aspect of this event: these seemingly aimless creatures, never dying (asterisk), never engaging in most of the activities that we consider part of life, having no apparent purpose, effect, or affect; they still create.
i can't deny a weird sense of validation in such a phenomenon. though i feel so inconsequential in the grand scheme, so unnecessary, the drive to make, to create, to reproduce is unshakeable. i will last for barely a moment in this divine dance of existence and i must leave my equally fleeting mark while i can. there is no reason or meaning to it and that makes it that much more imperitive. what would it be to ignore the call, when it reached through all of that meaninglessness just to find me? that is another question i have no interest in answering.