Posted by Cyborg Hexapus on Mar 25, 2024
I can finally begin letting myself move on to the next part of this project of mine!! I wish I knew how to describe just how happy I am that I can go to new parts of this whole thing!
Now... what should I talk about for this post, commemorating the completion of this chapter?
Well, I don't see why I can't start at the beginning.
Like, why did I even decide to completely rewrite this thing I'd already finished years ago? Well, while I'm sure I've talked about it on my social media before (probably twitter, but I don't think it'll be easy for me to find the tweet) about how I wasn't happy with it after a few years passed, maybe how I saw it partially as an opportunity for me to show myself and others how I've grown... and while I can say that is absolutely a part of it, I wouldn't be as passionate about it as I am now if that was all it was about.
When I had started writing it, even when I finished it, I saw myself as being in a lot of unique positions. On top of only recently figuring out my queerness partway in the project's original timeline, my perception of myself was... cloudy. I partly tried to reflect that, I think, in the end part of my work while finishing it off, but much like Joshua's reflection in the end of the original story, I only felt muddy after a few more years into the pandemic. Now, the pandemic is still going on, and I'm back to where I started, both in the story, and in regards to general life directions.
The life around me as I was writing the last parts of the whole thing were having an effect on my ability to tell the story I thought I wanted to tell, as well as other parts of myself; my first and last relationship, my ability to feel I could trust myself to do certain or general things, my ability to have any sense of what I wanted or what my life should look like. All of it, reflecting back to me in this story that felt like a piece of myself that I had shed, even before I actually needed to do any sheding. Metaphorically.
Small amounts of joking aside, I wanted to examine myself in more ways than one. And, as I finally got therapy, and finally got some sense of closure for things that will never otherwise have that, I decided. If I'm going to imagine what I want to do with my life, or just creatively, I might as well try living it out however I can, even if things don't work out all that well for me. Now I'm here, with the desire to share things with people while also wanting to stick true to what I want (or need) to show people, regardless of if any of it will make sense, or feels right to anybody other than me. It's not like I'm uniquely hard to understand as far as I can tell, but I don't know how other people might feel about that sometimes. Especially not about my work, as I plan to make it more and more weird in due time.
Now, as for Chapter 10, I'm not sure when I'll start that. Firstly, I want to do research into relevant information regarding at least 1 new character before I commit to writing anything. Some of that research will absolutely be dedicated to making sure I have a good source for it, but research nevertheless.
Thank you to everyone who reads this, and I hope to see you on this project sometime soon.