moon in review 🌓 august 31 2025

moon in review is the moonly newsletter from me, aloe. i send one out every first-quarter moon. it recounts the previous lunation, from one new moon to the next.

hey, check this out: two letters in the month of august! this will happen once in a blue moon - actually exactly that often, on average :] . it's fun that the first one came up so quick. im jamming this out super close to the wire. to be honest with you, ive been busy in therapy .. and with some projects, we'll get to that soon. but often as not this moon, the contents of my brain lab have been pretty gooey, the slimy muck hauls of deep dredges. which i guess means less lab space for producing other condensates; after all, there's only so much glass and tabletops.

🌑 july 24

but not none! not zero. i took all those elderberries and started a tincture, and the rest were promptly gobbled by the birds. i mean within days, like i walked back outside and the bush was fully cleaned. i didn't know my timing was so vital .. but i got my share, anyway. next time i'll make a glycerite instead of using alcohol. i found a book called "making plant medicine" (richo cech) with lots of recipes and ratios, which helped me get my footing. we'll see !

i worked on this little rhythm toy a bit. i think it turned out pretty neat if i do say so. you can play with it right there at the link, and read a couple blog posts about it. i made a page for announcing prior panic shows and archiving the flyers, too. we're still recording that album ! it's going great, i'm so excited for you all to hear it.

i mean, that covers a lot already.. i'm teaching lessons, working on the house. trying to wrap my head around setting up a new music space where i can play drums and sing. that's a queen of pentacles thing, right, like the space-making. the acts of care that set the stage, seed and precede the creative moment itself.

i walked a few more circles, you know. i just kind of, kept working on the things i'm working on. i'm distilling, or something. i spent a bunch of this wax asking, "what's my motivation?" not in a dismissive way, as a genuine question. trying to get to the bottom of like, my choices. how are they connected to my beliefs? blackle mori threw these youtube videos at me like pokeballs and it really got me going for a minute. i was trying to make lists of my beliefs in my diary and stuff.

i guess i'm looking for some kind of guidance ? i'm trying to figure out what to do. (you know, because everything is so turbofucking cuckoo bananas.) so if i know what i believe, and what i want, the things i see and the things i desire ... i should be able to figure out what to do, right? it's just algebra. to hatch a plan, devise a strategy, connect the dots; and at least know it was my best. and something i could adapt as i learn and change.

well, easier said than done — that's a really big project. it's ongoing. but i did actually come across a pretty useful motivation that doesn't rely on any of that: "might as well." this little guy can really punch above his weight. like, take my morning routine. a year or two ago i tried out an instruction from a youtube video prescribing a short sequence of stretches and breathing exercises for first-thing-in-the-morning, as well as a mug of plain hot water taken before any other food or drink. it takes very little time, which appealed to me. i had looked it up on purpose in a bid to combat my low key chronic tightness. within a week or two i noticed the effect and i liked it; a bit looser muscles, improved bowel regularity.

but it's a classic motivation thing, right. after a while the novelty fades, the thing starts to kind of twist and distort as it yawns toward the vanishing point of the future (or is that just me..) every morning? and then what? you know. what's gonna happen if i skip it one day ? look, nothing, im fine. why not a week? i actually don't think this is bad, it's just another experimental tool for testing the routine's effectiveness. but this juncture can be kind of tricky. because it's here in the negative space where i often find myself weighing those big motivations — what do i want to do with my life? what matters to me? — and trying to align my actions with those guide-stars. and in those terms, this is a drop in the bucket at best. it's not even clear how it connects, if at all; and anyway, i have bigger fish to fry.

enter "might as well," a little workaround to help keep things in perspective. by now it seems evident that this routine has some effects that i desire. it's passed sufficient muster. i believe that i feel nicer when it's active, overall. and it could be up and running on a scale of weeks. so: might as well ! that's all it takes to justify the expenditure of effort and animal freedom. the only axiom it really requires me to take is that i generally intend to keep on living, (a huge axiom, don't get me wrong; but this is not the place and time,) and the horizon of the whole consideration only needs to cover the next like, month, max. it's not calling me to imagine a future or a world or my role in it — just a next-saturday where i'm a bit comfier sitting at my desk.

which frankly, that capacity probably has more to do with the actual change in behavior than any of these rationalizations. working on a scale of weeks is a non-trivial ask, too, and i lived a lot of the past year day-to-day. my house is moving out of a period of prolonged, abject crisis; it's only natural i would start to "act healthier" as i crawl up out of the hole. but they're interwoven parts of the process, the rational and the behavioral. so i like to leave these little breadcrumb trails for myself, and whoever else may come across them, in case they help me next time i'm crawling out of some hole again. this goes out to all the fellow travelers whose paths i've taken before <3

🌕 august 9

i strained and filtered the tincture, it's a very lovely purple color. i kept on rolling the big questions around, sifting and panning for organizing principles. at a certain point i said something like, "i'm conditioning my body and mind for the day i find myself pushing a shopping cart down what used to be the highway," which is an image i lifted from parable of the sower (octavia butler) when i read the audiobook in 2020. it's become my go-to capsule for this flavor of apocalyptic feelings. i've been meaning to read parable of the talents ever since then, i feel like now would be a good time for it since that image keeps coming up. the thought is sort of freeing, even as i'm aware it represents its own kind of escapism.

album work proceeds apace; this moon saw a slew of instrumental overdubs, lots of play with tone and texture, a dazzling variety of guitars and amps and pedals. what a blast ! talk about filling the ol' Cup, right, like .. i'm looking for something to orient around ? in the last letter i said it's a blessing to be engaged in work you believe in ... that i wanted to encourage flourishing. those are some lovely generalities, that could apply to a wide range of futures.

as an aside, i really do try to hope for one of the better ones. like, i think extracting the bitter relief from a thought like "well, i was never any good at this society anyway" is a suitable coping mechanism in the face of genuinely deep uncertainty and fear. but i don't want to give the wrong impression when i say "freeing." i do not want any kind of apocalypse, even if it's good sci-fi. i would like a vaccine and a vegan cheeseburger. i think it's important to articulate that this is both what i want, and that i believe it's possible. and that i want it and believe it's possible for everyone.

there's a genocide happening in palestine. i'm not really able to integrate this bit into the letter as elegantly as i'd like, but i'm including it anyway. i think it's good and right to give all the money we can in attempts to alleviate peoples suffering in this, as well as of course doing anything we can to stop the perpetrators. it's a bizarre thing to come to terms with, the idea that we're being like, called on to basically do some kind of crowdfunded, social-mediated schindlers list ? it's very twenty first century. but that does appear to be the situation.

that's not even my framing, i got it from this video, which also just happens to be one of the best video essays i've seen in a long time. the video link is also a link to a fundraiser, so you can give there, or more directly if someone in your community is posting a personal fundraiser on someone's behalf. honestly, right now as i'm writing this, there's this whole dust-up happening on the local punk listserv over someone organizing one of those, and that's part of my motivation to just plain say like, yes, i think that's good, i'm thankful for everyone that does it. if you need someone to make a case for it, that video does a good job, and very explicitly addresses a lot of intentional misinformation too. and even if you don't, it's just a solid watch.

at the very end of the wane we packed up the van and drove out to the woods and played this really sweet little show at a place called slanty shanty. it was a lovely warm welcome and the music was excellent, and me and jude got to walk over to the big rock and stand on it and talk about glaciers and lichen. it was a clear night, and with the moon so nearly new, we had a wonderful view of the stars.

on the scale of one night, then, things were good. better than good ! on the scale of the big rock, the glacier has left it behind and lichen is turning it into dirt. on the scale of stars, light is crossing truly unfathomable distances, and space and time are the same, or something. so all that seems to be as it should be. everything inbetween, you know, we're working on it.

🌑 august 23

your present lunation began with the august 23 new moon, waxes to the september 7 full moon, and wanes to the september 21 new moon. today, august 31, is the first quarter moon of this lunation.

no gigs again :) the band's still recording, and it's been a while since the last aloe solo gig. i would tho, i've been thinking about it a little. i used to do solo sets all the time.

alright, here we go with the tarot card. and ...

your card is: the knight of pentacles. (pull your own cards at aloe.gay/tarot !)

wow, three in a row. we've got the makings of a flush on our hands ! it's interesting to see everything play out against the constant suit. it's ripe for a certain kind of systematic analysis. in tarot wisdom, rachel pollack puts forth a set of elemental associations for the court cards, which along with the ones for the suits, produces this tidy 4x4 grid:

and some things jump out, like: king of wands, queen of cups and so forth, have these perfect alignments. they're probably super-effective. i wonder if there's especially weak ones .. like, fire/water seems like a challenge. and yeah, there's basically a whole ranking, from alchemy or something. it crops up in astrology here and there.

all of which to set up the fact that, air/earth is not very effective... and i can feel it, trying to piece this together. all those beautiful associations we've been weaving into the pentacle, bounty, wealth, magic, care .. it was easy to write about the contemplation of those, to sing their complexities and greatness, reflected in the queen's placid gaze. but knights are action, impulse, even spontaneity; and that's harder to square, it's a less obvious fit.

later in the chapter, pollack drops this gem:

The queens and kings are both masters of the element but with a difference due to their relative social roles in the European period that saw the rise of Tarot. Kings were the ones who were in charge and had the responsibility to govern. This does not make the queens inferior—and remember, in my approach to Tarot, a queen card can indicate a man and a king a woman. The queen is, in fact, the true master, the figure who most appreciates the quality of the suit.

Consider the Queen and King of Swords in the Rider deck. The Queen’s sword points straight up, like the Ace and the sword of Justice. This shows the purity and absolute integrity of her thinking. By contrast, the sword of the King tilts slightly to his right (our left), for the need to make decisions and possibly enforce them.

[...]

The queens are masters, the kings are rulers. Both are necessary, and in fact they complement each other.

Rachel Pollack's Tarot Wisdom: Spiritual Teachings and Deeper Meanings

this bears out in the elemental associations too, since fire/earth is another weak link. but i really include it because it gestures toward the necessity of imperfection. she doesn't say, well because the queens represent a more perfect understanding, they're really the better of the two. she says they're complements, they work together.

so it would seem for our mismatched knight. yes, we're in complex territory; but sometimes, action must be taken anyway. even if it means narrowing your scope a bit, and working on a smaller scale. pentacles are coins, remember, so a part of me wants to read "action(of)coins" as like, the spending or giving of money. the connection to the palestine fundraiser thing is glaring; it's shockingly imperfect, but it's gotta be done.

i like how, in pictorial key to the tarot, a.e. waite is careful to point out that the knight, unlike the queen, does not gaze at his pentacle: "He exhibits his symbol, but does not look therein." he said that's none of my business, i just ride horse and like, do battle on the field of honor, presumably. (it's a little funny invoking something like fealty, when i'm trying to say something thats ultimately positive; but also, medieval stereotypes are kind of a big part of the tarot game, and i think interrogating them can reveal interesting sub-surface aspects of modern culture .. plus im a huge useless sword lesbian, so all this knight/queen stuff is right up my alley anyway ;) )

but yeah, in symbolic terms, in storybook terms; i think there's a potential sweetness in this pairing, the one who reads the crystal ball and the other who carries it out across the way. how to simply act, to move and make use of our materials, without losing sight of the bigger picture ? we can't do it all alone. it demands a certain degree of separation, and a huge amount of trust on both sides of the coin. the bond between a knight and her queen, may be one of the most extreme examples i can even dream up. but how could that look in our own, real, complex lives, where we strive to destroy all hierarchy?1 how can we take the stories, and magic symbols in our hearts, and make them real changes in the world?

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thank you so much for reading my newsletter! we're hosted by comradery, a cooperatively-owned micro-patronage platform for artists and community projects. if my work means something to you and you want to see it continue, please consider supporting me with a recurring donation as low as $1 a month, or with a one-time tip on ko-fi. anything helps a lot! my website is aloe.gay, and you can write back to me at aloe (at) aloe (dot) gay. i hope you have a good moon. i'll see you on the next first quarter ~

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footnotes

1. i'm assuming you strive to destroy all hierarchy here. price of admission :) ↩